I blog about my daily adventures, crafting (knit/crochet), art, photography, & more. I'm sometimes funny, sometimes somber, sometimes neither, but always myself. 
Don’t you know that you’re toxic?
07/19/09 · Filed in Personal
A title ripped straight from a Britney Spears song. Nevermind that I haven’t been a fan of hers since way back when red leather jumpsuits were still considered wholesome and Disney-esque.
I’ve had a lot on my mind lately about toxic relationships and how easy it is to form them. Don’t worry, it has nothing to do with my husband, who is the exact opposite of what I’m talking about. I’m talking about relationships formed between other people – siblings, co-workers, family members, friends. Any and all of them. It seems there’s always someone in your life that will always find a way to bring down the people around them. The constantly depressed/angry/spiteful beings that want to drag everyone they know down into their pool of dejection. Like crabs in a bucket. If I can’t make it to the top, neither will you!
Isn’t life all about enjoying the little things and being happy? Isn’t it about caring for other people, their feelings, their accomplishments, and reassuring them when they fail or fall short of their goals? That’s what I’ve always thought. And that’s not to say that I am without faults of my own. However, it’s a hard pill for me to swallow – accepting that there are people in my life that would love nothing more than to see me fail. For them to rise above, be superior, be able to say ‘I’m so better than you’. I try to act like it doesn’t bother me. Like I never give it a second thought. But it does bother me, even if it’s just a fleeting thought in the back of my mind, it finds a way to rear its ugly head at times when I’m feeling quite good about myself. Quite frankly, it depresses me, because not only am I letting this person’s feelings subtly dictate my own, but also because in the process, it does make me feel inferior. After all, what kind of person would let themselves feel this way if they are indeed strong? Then, I get angry.
Have you ever pulled up next to another car at a stop light, look over to the person driving and smile? Then, the person takes it upon themselves to stare you down and rev their engine? When the light turns green, they burn rubber down the highway screaming “YESSS, I BEAT YOU,” while you’re left in the dust thinking ‘I was not racing you, asshole.’ That’s how it can feel sometimes. Like a competition that I never entered, a race that I didn’t even know existed.
I wish I could say that I’m not affected by it. But as long as there’s someone that wants so badly to be the better person, mother, friend, sister, wife, daughter… I guess I’ll be the unwilling participant.
“After all, what kind of person would let themselves feel this way if they are indeed strong.” Turn that around on the person who so deeply desires to see you fail. THEY are the weak ones. Once I take a deep breath and try to see things in their own shoes, I realize they don’t hate me – they hate themselves.
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I totally get this. That’s why it’s so important to surround yourself with great family and friends and just let those other relationships be what they are. Don’t expect them to be more, then you won’t be disappointed!
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Hiya! jus’ payin you a visit to say hello. You know it’s funny that you speak about people (other drivers) comin’ next to your car and smile. Yesterday, we were playing tourist on our island and this car next to us i’m looking at them and then i look straight. As i’m looking at them, they’re not looking. When i looked away, they stare at me and i know this because my nephew in the backseat kept telling me. And, it was beginning to annoy me. So, I just kept my stare for awhile and then he thought my head was facing forward and him and i couldn’t help it we just laughed. it wasn’t suppose to turn out the way it did. but it did! lmao. But no, your experience didn’t happen to me.
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I completely understand what you mean. I seem to have toxic relationships with all of my blood relatives. It’s just hard for me to get along with them. However I spent many years going out of my way trying to make these relationships work. It just got to the point where I left it all alone. I’ve been trying to work on these relationships recently, and hopefully I won’t fail. Lovely food for thought!
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So well said. I completely agree. Especially here in New York, I find that not only do people not care, but they go out of their way sometimes to annoy or upset other people on purpose. It’s just not how life is supposed to be lived, in my opinion.
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I have some friends like that. And yes I do still call them friends, even though I rarely see them and I don’t think much of them. I just can’t “break” a friendship that easily. When you remember all the good times etc. it seems awful to think that those are now gone and your friend has changed into thinking you are ‘there for her’ always. Even if all she ever does is complain about the things going on in her life – not caring about yours.
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This post describes one of my former friends perfectly. After a ten-year friendship, I let it end because I could no longer deal with all the same feelings you are having.
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I couldn’t have said it better. I have toxic relationships with family members. They’re constantly looking down on me and comparing their kids to myself. It’s a shame how far some people are willing to go to ensure you fail. It bothers me and hurt at times but I try to ignore it.
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“Isn’t it about caring for other people, their feelings, their accomplishments, and reassuring them when they fail or fall short of their goals?” Eh, no. I never once thought that. It doesn’t mean I won’t do that, but it’s not in my conscious “What is life about?” list.
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