For now, I’m running

09/23/09 · Filed in Personal

If anyone were to look at me now, it would probably be pretty hard for them to believe that I used to be “in shape” and athletic. Throughout my entire childhood, in fact. Up until my pregnancy, I could run a mile in about seven minutes, attended dance practice 3-4 times a week, not to mention doing other childhood activities like hiking through the woods and jumping on trampolines (man, how awesome were those things?!)

Ever since my pregnancy, I’ve been heavy. Or obese, according to the health nazi BMI calculating websites sprinkled all over the web (the heaviest I’ve ever been is 190 pounds). Now, I’m not blaming my son for making me fat, like so many other fat hens out there do. That would be inane and insensitive on so many levels. It was my own fault! I quit doing everything all at once, and let’s just say my hesitations about eating ice cream first thing in the morning temporarily went out the window. I’m happy to be able to say that things are waaaay better now than they were then. One excuse led to other excuses, and physical activity was put on the back burner. I realize in this health conscious world that we live in, I should have probably been crucified at least 3 years ago for even daring to show my hideous bloated face in public (Husband, fetch me my paper bag, time to roll down to the store for more doughnuts and carbonated beverages!). Thankfully, I’m still kickin’.

Okay, so I kinda went off on a tangent. To the point of this post already: I’ve decided to start exercising again. After falling off the horse so many times before, I’m surprised Old Bessy will even give me another chance. This isn’t some hope inspiring pep speech that I’m trying to give myself where I lament over old lost causes and wallow in self pity. Quite the opposite, actually. I’m celebrating my efforts. Hey, what’s done is done, right? I gained weight. I’m heavy. I’m fat. I lost weight. I gained weight again. I have dealt, and continue to deal with the occasional pangs of discontentment when I look in a fully body mirror. I get it. Like so many other people. All you can do is learn from mistakes, and try to change courses in the present.

I walk around now at a hefty 180 pounds (for my height, that is). I’m starting small. Small changes for me lead to big victories. I’m not the kind of person that can change her whole way of life in one fell swoop and be successful at it. That’s one mistake that I’ve learned from. So for now, I’m running. Not far, just down the road and back. I have Josh at my side, telling me I’m beautiful regardless, and that helps. Actually, I have Josh in my front…waaaay in the front! He leaves me and the dogs in the dust! But he’s still there for me, needless to say.

We’ve calculated that it’s about a mile. I run when I feel like running, and I walk when I feel like walking. It’s the journey that matters, and what we learn from it in the process. By looking at this ‘weight loss journey’ as just that, and not some instantaneous gratification quest, I feel that any weight I may lose from this will be worth my while. This is just my first building block, and I’m looking forward to building on it.

4 comments