I had female problems
October 26th, 2009 | Posted in Personal | 4 Comments »The past few weeks have been a nightmare for me. Stressful and emotionally draining. Only today have I found some much needed relief.
The thing is, I do it to myself. On October 16th, I was supposed to get my period. When I didn’t, my brain immediately went into ‘OMG I AM SO PREGNANT, NOOOO’ mode. I worried, I fretted, I went through a bout of depression (if I can call it that…I know the clinically depressed don’t really appreciate people throwing that word around). Days went by and not even a single cramp or any semblance of sensation in my female plumbing. I’ve NEVER been more than 3 or 4 days late, and I was confused. I began playing the ‘what if’ scenarios over and over in my head, even though I didn’t want to. Whenever I tried to relax, take a deep breath, and have fun, my worries would rear their ugly head at that precise moment.
I know, I know, many think that it’s not a big deal. And even more would probably give up their left ovary to have a ‘fear’ of being pregnant. But it’s not something that I take very lightly. I’ve been through the struggles and trying times of giving birth and raising one child already. Yes, I have a happy marriage and a happy family, but I haven’t yet reached a point where I’m ready to do it all over again with a new baby. Maybe someday. But not now. And we take precautions to avoid it. THAT’S why I practically lost my shit, I believe.
Anyway, by the time the 23rd rolled around, I was at the end of my rope. Of course, hindsight is always 20/20, but it felt like I’d already been waiting and wondering for a hundred years. I worried and fretted and overreacted so badly by this point that I couldn’t concentrate or get any enjoyment out of anything. I dragged myself into work, but didn’t put forth any effort because MY CRAZY BRAIN WOULD NOT ALLOW IT. I hate waiting. I hate not knowing. I HATED my body for what it was doing to me emotionally.
Two negative pregnancy tests and a 10 day delayed period later, I think I can finally put my mind at ease and take comfort in the fact that I’m NOT pregnant. I don’t know what happened down there this past month to make things get all wacky, but I can only hope that if it ever happens again, I’ll be more prepared to deal with it…constructively.
Glad to hear everything worked out okay for you!
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I’ve noticed that on months when I’m slightly late and then panic about the pregnancy issue, my period takes longer to come. On months when I forget when “my friend” is due, even when there were clear accidents, it comes right on time. It’s amazing the effect our minds have on our bodies.
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I have had a similar situation, though with mine I actually had reason to think I might be, and my lateness wasnt’ as bad as yours. I was just paranoid. But that feeling absolutely sucks! I’m glad it turned out alright in the end.
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When Alyssa was 10 months old this happened to me & as much as I want to have another child I wasn’t ready then. I waited almost 7 days before I even took a test because I was nervous… I needed up with 2 negative & I was so relieved.
If I had of been pregnant than we would of dealt, and like you, we take all the precautions we can but it can definitely be scary when your body decides to mess up.
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