I blog about my daily adventures, crafting (knit/crochet), art, photography, & more. I'm sometimes funny, sometimes somber, sometimes neither, but always myself. 
Learning to let go
07/30/09 · Filed in Personal
Are you tired of hearing about my kid yet? That’s mostly what I’ve been blogging about this week, so…why break the pattern now?
It’s really not a big deal. This whole ‘going to school’ thing – it’s just a part of growing up. That’s what I’ve been telling myself all summer. Yet, as the first day of school draws closer, I can’t help but feel…sad. No, not just sad. Sad and happy. At the very same time. It’s weird and I can’t really say that I like it, but it is what it is.
I’m so incredibly happy and excited for him to be a kindergartner. To be able to learn to write and read. To sit with the big kids at lunch and make friends. I look forward to hearing his stories about his little successes and praising him on a job well done. My refrigerator is cleared off now, ready and waiting for the upcoming year’s work. All of this and so much more.
I’m so incredibly sad for him to be a kindergartner. To be gone all day, needing me less and less. To learn that not everyone will like him or want to be his friend. I dread seeing him come home sad, because this or that happened or he didn’t understand what to do. My arms will be open, ready and waiting for a little guy needing a little comfort. All of this and so much more.
Definitely a weird mixture of feelings. I sometimes wonder if my mother felt the same way about me, or if I’m just getting carried away. Making something out of nothing, so to speak. While I’m happy to see him grow up, become an individual, and really begin navigating the waters of school life and friendships, at the same time I’m sad reminiscing of all the memories of him as a baby, so little and fragile, needing me every step of the way. I never thought it would feel quite like this. We’ll both need some time to work through the change, that’s for sure.
Ah, who am I kidding? “It’s only kindergarten, you crazy lady, get a grip on yourself!”. Perhaps this is true. To anyone else, I know it seems like nothing. But to me, it was baby steps yesterday, kindergarten today, and college tomorrow. We’ve all heard the saying that ‘the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.’ And as he stands here next to me, stroking my arm and telling me I’m the best mom ever for buying him Froot Loops, I’m so happy to be going on this journey with him.
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This was a beautiful post. I don’t have kids but your words have me close to tears. I cannot even begin to imagine the feelings a person experiences with children. All I know is that if my husband and I do have kids, I’m going to be a disaster! :)
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Twitter:http://forever-waiting.net
Aww, things like this make me so excited to be a mom soon. It’s a scary thing though right now.
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You will probably be crying on the first day, he probably will be too, I’ve seen it when I worked in daycare. It is a sad day for all, but once you realize you have time for yourself again it gets easier.
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I never get tired of listening to people talk about their kids. (Especially if it’s written well like you write.)
I’m sorry it’s a mix of feelings and you’re feeling quite melancholy about it. I hope that he enjoys kindergarten. It will make it a lot easier for you, I’m sure.
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Aww. He’s definitely growing up. You’re a wonderful parent though and he’ll always know that his mother was caring for him, even on his first day of Kindergarten.
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