On inquisitive children and their antics

05/03/10 · Filed in Personal

My son has really been surprising me with his straight-forwardness lately. He’s in that stage that all children go through, I suppose. He’s not afraid to tell you what he thinks or what’s on his mind at any given moment. Example.

We were eating dinner together, in the living room (because I’m a such a terrible, anti-family she beast!) and he says to me, “You’re not fat anymore, Mom. But you were when I was a little baby in your belly, huh?”

“Yes,” I told him, “and to be honest I’m not all that skinny now either babe.” Was I fishing for some kind of compliment from my 5-year-old? No. Hell, he’s being honest with me, I want to be honest with him. I wasn’t offended in the slightest. I was happy with his honest observations, in fact. The conversation continued…

“Well,” he pondered, “if you’re not skinny now, is that because you eat too much bad stuff for your body like oil and fat?” They’ve been studying the food pyramid at school.

“Yep,” I said, “that’s exactly right. Too much bad stuff and not enough exercise. It happens to grown ups sometimes.”

He took that as a valid point and said, “Well I love you anyways.”

Could I ask for anything better than that? To recognize at such a young age that people aren’t perfect, and that it’s okay to love them or appreciate them for what they are?

Now, there are two sides to being so blunt, and all of us as adults know what that means. I do reprimand him if he makes a too loud comment in the grocery store about someone being big or otherwise different in appearance. I don’t want him to be a little asshole, after all. It’s one thing to talk to me about that because I know he’s well intentioned, but a different thing entirely to do it to a stranger. But at the age he is now, he’s only being inquisitive and genuinely wants to know why I’m not skinny or maybe why the man we saw in the store only has one arm. While it’s not okay to walk up to these people and point out such things, it IS okay to wonder…and we all do it even if it isn’t verbal. I guess that’s what I want him to take away from these little whispered conversations…that it’s okay to talk about these things and ask questions, but it’s not okay to do it in a way that could hurt someone else. It’s my opinion that by silencing kids and scolding them every time they make a not so popular comment about the people or situations in their lives, it only does more harm than good. How will they learn that there’s a right time and place for everything if you never give them the chance to learn the difference?

I guess part of growing up and gaining social skills is learning where this fine line lies.

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