Kristie

22, married/babied, Kentuckian. I blog about my daily adventures, crafting (knit/crochet), art, photography, & more. I'm sometimes funny, sometimes somber, sometimes neither, but always myself.
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The slim down project – week #2

05/18/10 · Filed in Weight Loss

 

Last week I made the decision to start exercising consistently, and I’m happy to say that I’ve stuck with it thus far.

Even though it isn’t easy and I’ve been tempted to just give it up already. Yes, I know it’s only been a week. I also know that I sound hopelessly pathetic right now. Everything was going great, though. I stepped on the scale yesterday morning hoping to see a little concrete evidence of my hard work (and I do mean hard – The Biggest Loser trainers don’t play around).

I didn’t lose a single ounce. I stepped on it a second time, just to be sure. The number was the same. It was at that moment that a twinge of disappointed washed over, but I recited to myself what I’ve read, heard, and learned to be true already: that progress takes a little while, that it’s not the number on the scale that counts, that by keeping on things will get better. For the moment, I pushed away those feelings and did my workout anyway.

The whole time, however, that nagging feeling was there. The little voice asking me why am I even bothering. When I was finished, I took a shower and got ready for the rest of my day. It was about an hour later while I was brushing my teeth that it happened. The tears started falling. And I hated myself for it. There I was crying over nothing and I couldn’t help it. Like not losing at least a pound after a week was the end of the world. But, the tears kept coming anyway. And with them came feelings of hopelessness and anger that only made things worse. I kept reminding myself that there are people in this world with real problems and crying over this was the dumbest thing ever.

My husband noticed and tried to comfort me. He was there, talking to me, being supportive and optimistic. I knew that these feelings weren’t helping me, and that I obviously needed to work harder and put forth more of an effort this week. Which is what I resolved to do by yesterday afternoon. I even bought another biggest loser DVD while out and about.

I woke up this morning depressed. My husband and I ended up in an argument last night before bed, and though I tried to sleep it off hoping for things to be better this morning, I still woke up in a bad mood. Of course, I lay in bed for a while arguing with myself about why I should still exercise, and then why I shouldn’t, or didn’t feel like it. I knew life was going to get in the way at some point.

I didn’t exercise today. We’ve made up since this morning, but lingering bad feelings are still present and I can’t shake them. I know skipping one day won’t undo what I’ve done so far (which according to the scale is absolutely nothing), but I feel guilty. Like I’m only cheating myself, but on the other hand I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I still can’t. Things just aren’t right right now. I’d rather curl up in the dark and be alone.

I know tomorrow is another day. I’m trying to keep a positive outlook. Whatever is going on with me today, I’m determined to get over before tomorrow and I’m going to keep going. I’m going to reach my goals.

I think finding the strength and determination to keep going when things seem dark and hopeless is the hardest thing about committing to weight loss.


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The slim down project – week #1

05/11/10 · Filed in Weight Loss

 

Last week I bought a ‘The Biggest Loser’ DVD to try at home. This will only be my 56348290546012160th attempt at losing weight, but I’m more determined than EVER to make it stick this time. I figured what better way to help my progress along than by publishing it for the entire world to see. Maybe this approach will help me hold myself more accountable.

Josh and I are really into The Biggest Loser right now. The trainers, however incessantly annoying they can be at times, can also be extremely motivating and inspiring. Not to mention the contestants that have sacrificed so much to be where they are today. Kinda makes me feel bad for sitting around for so long. And I’m not even that much overweight.

Since this is week #1 of my journey (I hate calling it that, but I’m at a loss for a better word), I’ll highlight a few points about myself, my habits, and a brief history of what got me to this point.

History
My weight gain began during my pregnancy. As the months progressed, I fell right out of my active, athletic habits and into a sedentary lifestyle seemingly overnight. I was under a lot of stress and I packed it on even more. After my son was born, life struggles and daily stresses would keep me up at night. I didn’t care what I looked like. Other things were more important. At my heaviest, I weight 190 pounds. For a 5’5″ girl, I felt like a blimp.

Currently
My family life and financial situation are at a much better place now. My son is in kindergarten now and I feel that I’m finally able to focus on myself. In 2007, I got a job in the kitchen of a bustling restaurant. The heat coupled with the constant moving led me to drink more water. In turn, I’ve lost about 20 pounds in the last 3 years just working there alone.

I currently weigh 171 pounds. I’ve set a goal weight of 140 pounds which, according to an online BMI calculator, is in the healthy range for my height. So that’s where I’m headed.

Goals
It’s important to me that my goals be realistic. I’ve tried and failed before, and I’m trying to learn from those mishaps and get back on the horse. For example, this is something I need to remind myself of every day – I didn’t gain it all overnight, and I won’t lose it all overnight. I’m a very impatient person. This time, I plan on celebrating the small things and treating myself to rewards. Yes, I realize I’m sounding like a dog right now.
When I lose 10 pounds… I want to buy new clothes. Nothing fancy, just nice, flattering clothes that I’ll feel good about wearing. I’ve been knocking around in the same jeans and t-shirts for years. I think this will motivate me to go further.
When I lose 20 pounds… I want to get a new haircut and color. I’m tired of the same basic hairstyle that I’ve basically worn since I was 12. This is a perfect reward for me because I’ve always been hesitant to try it at my current weight due to it being unflattering for my “fat face”. But being 20 pounds lighter, I won’t have any fear of that. Another motivation for me to do this? I want to donate my hair to Locks of Love. This truly makes me excited to get to this point.
When I lose 30 pounds… I’ll have reached my goal weight, which will lead me to my ultimate reward: a sexy tattoo. Superficial? Maybe. But I’ll be hot, so screw you if you don’t like it.

That pretty much wraps it up for this week. I’ve outlined my history, my present, and my future goals. Next week, I’ll talk about my progress, any new habits, and my strengths and weaknesses.

Also, if you’d like to follow my progress (but don’t want to read my long blog posts), check out my progress bar over on the sidebar.


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